Wednesday, August 11, 2010

Why are some men's egos so fragile that they feel insulted when someone else is complimented?

I love my husband very much. He has a lot of qualities that I appreciate and admire, so I often say nice things about him. However, just tonight I was informed that by saying nice things about my husband, I am ';shaming'; other men. That certainly isn't my intention, but apparently that's how some men take it.

Can someone please explain this phenomenon to me?Why are some men's egos so fragile that they feel insulted when someone else is complimented?
Have you ever noticed that men have a real hard time complimenting other men? Women compliment other women all the time and we compliment men too but you almost never see a man complimenting another man. Is it some sort of competition thing? I've noticed with men I've dated if I say anything complimentary about another man no matter how innocent, it is taken as an affront to the man I'm with. ';What? You think he's better than me?'; ';I can ____ him under the table.'; (fill in the blank)

Men want to call us fragile but when it comes to the male ego nothing is more fragile.


Am I the only person who thinks Marx and dsds are the same person? Or at least identical twins?Why are some men's egos so fragile that they feel insulted when someone else is complimented?
Both sides of the argument are correct. The context of the compliment is then coupled with the opportunity to put someone on a pedestal with the intent to shame others present, it also depends on the tone used.

For instance if I said with a condescending tone and looked directly at you with a variety of men and women present and could overhear the conversation...if the the topic of the conversation was gender related...

';Atleast MY girlfriend is comfortable with her femininity not to be swayed by other women's definition of femininity in order to be corralled into a movement';

..then smirked directly at you, kissed my girlfriend and chuckled dismissively. (intent is obvious)

How would you react? (the social setting is key, an internet forum does little to elaborate a ';real'; setting)

As you mentioned, however, you are correct, people that get all bothered by this tactic ARE insecure; however, you can describe the person who mentioned the misinterpreted tactic as one that attempts to push buttons for the sake of dramatic discourse.

So the four primary factors are:

1. Context

2. Tone used

3. Intent

4. Interpretation

Most times if there is no real intent, just a general compliment then the misinterpreters are just insecure and hypersensitive.
There are quite a few reasons behind their odd comments to you:

1. Envy of your successful relationship verses their own never ending rejection. In that case, your compliments to your husband are very painful addition to an already 'bleeding injury'.

2. Complete disrespect for females as a nonsensical group, and therefore impossible to form any kind of a relationship with. Success of your marriage and evident harmony between the two of you puts their little theory to shame. And no one enjoys being proved wrong.

3. Total selfishness. People of that type are always alone, because they somehow manage to drive everyone out of their life as soon as they show up there by mistake. Loneliness is a bitter bed fellow, especially when you feel that you deserve better. Especially when you feel smarter than everyone, but somehow others get to enjoy happiness and love, while you are looking at all that from the outside. The problem is that self serving individuals don't ever look inside for the answers to all of their problems, they simply blame the world. It does not change their situation, but it makes them feel better.

I hope that was helpful.

Edit at dsds and marx: Two of you must be of different species, because human beings usually have a filter so things like you spew don't ever pass their lips / appear in front of the rest of the world. Shame on you! You must of been raised by wolves as one of their own.
You are to be praised for complimenting your husband. Far too many women spend time tearing down their traditional husbands while condemning feminism.

Edit- I didn't answer your question. I'm not quite convinced that it's a fragile ego. It may be that some men are still stuck on the idea that women should do whatever it takes to please men and not vice/versa. Praising your egalitarian husband is a direct challenge to that idea. It suggest the man needs to cooperate with his wife, treating her as equal in order to be successful in a relationship. Some men despise and reject such concepts. I don't know if we can call that ego so much as a resistance to modernism.
The fact is, some people are so desperate for attention that anything that is said, by anyone, anywhere they are is taken by them to be about them.

Yes, that's right. Some people honestly believe the world's axis is them. Therefore, whatever you say about your husband, if they are in the vicinity, for real or cyber wise, they believe you are actually talking not just TO them, but ABOUT them.

It's a type of personality disorder you see a lot of on this board.

Sad, isn't it?

Cheers :-)
They're just projecting their own insecurities, and if they happen to also be narcissistic, EVERYTHING -- both good and bad, will be interpreted as being all about them.

Some are also so paranoid and suspicious of women, that even when you compliment *them*, they see it as an insult.

I'd say the reason they do it all stems down to self-esteem issues. If they liked themselves a little more, they wouldn't lash out at others and perceive everything as a personal insult.

Dsds illustrates perfectly what I've described in his post. I suggest he isn't reported. Posts like that expose what kind of people they really are. Let them dig their own graves.
Well, that's strange. I can't really explain it. It doesn't make any sense really, unless you did it in a way that seemed as if you were cutting other men down to build up your husband. But if it's just a compliment, it doesn't make any sense.

I guess somebody's insecure. That's the only thing that makes sense.

Dsds- That is not at all what I said.
If men hear other men being complimented, we see it as another man is being complimented instead of him. When my girlfriend got a new car for christmas (and this may be childish) I felt neglected cuz she thought it was so cool and so nice and kind of ignored me. It's a pride thing. If someone else is complimented, we're not being complimented, so it hurts our pride.
Here's the scoop Lyanthya: The person who said this to you is an a$$. Most men who are not mentally ill or hyper sensitive or serial killers will not be cut to the quick if a married woman compliments her own husband. Why are you even contemplating this rubbish? You are WAY smarter than this.
It's not that men have fragile ego's but their wives do.

Wife says to another ';My husband wash my car today';.

The other looking out the window sees her car hasn't been washed in years says ';Ya mines a bum';. thus the insult to the mans ego.

It not what you say but what the other women around you say as a followup about theirs.
- OK, I'm a 17 year old guy and I thought I would add my opinion in here real quick =] First off, to answer your question, it's just cause thats how guys are. I know it's dumb (and childish), but sometimes guys just take it that way =] haha. It's just like how guys just can't understand why they're supposed to be sad when Jack dies in Titanic (somethings are just meant to remain a mystery to the opposite sex =]) And believe me, when your husband goes and talks about it with his friends he's probably bragging about it =] Honestly, who cares what other guys think?? HE'S your husband, and your making him happy so thats all that matters (his friends will recover, lol) =] And FYI to Marx, and dsds, and male I don't think you could get more absurd and childish and stupid etc. if you tried. Please stop looking for questions that involve females opinions just so you can insult them them. The only thing your doing is making yourselves look like fools. Anyway, hope this helps Lyanthya =]
I think they say that becasue they are some what jealous that you have such a good husband that like to hear nice things. Pay those type no attention. Everyone likes to hear nice things, as long as it makes your relationship stronger then keep at it.

EDIT: dsds how dare you try to play off the fact that she was raped! You are reported!
He just has control issues. Notice he said don't answer this way or don't say that. You keep doing exactly as you are. I don't understand this shaming idea. You would think they are 4.


dsds has no sense of morality, empathy, or ethics. Ignore is a good idea.

And no Marx and him are not the same person. Give Marx some credit.
I don't understand that either. My boyfriend loves to be complimented, especially around my friends and family. I would think the guy who told you that is jealous of you doing that. God forbid you say you love your husband.
what? That makes no sense.... As long as your not being sarcastic and are being genuine there is nothing wrong with giving your husband a compliment. If anything it is a positive thing that let's him know how you feel.

Could be jealousy.
tell them to get over it there is other people in the world other than them! some people only like comments about them self. and go weird when they aren't getting 100% spotlight. continue praising your hubby you love him and are proud of him!
whoever said that you are shaming other men........i dont get that at all. what are they talking about?

i think its great to finally have a woman say that she loves and adores her husband. there is no shame in that at all.
They have low self esteem. Many women do this as well. I wouldn't pay much attention to it unless you are a direct cause of the low self esteem or are able to help.
They have a low self esteem. By shoving what they aren't and wish to be into their face they feel like they have less worth.
Possibly jealosy. Your husbands a fortunate man.

Best wishes to you both for the New Year.
Geez, who told you that? Was it dsds? That's a total crock.
i think they play a jelouise role with each other thinking ones better then the other of corse u suppose to say nice things about ur husband more then others after all u married him so who cares wat other men think let them u have ur man
That's odd. I have never heard of such a thing. Perhaps it's a cultural difference I don't know.
They just get upset when they hear that you're not available.

dsds--Sorry to hear about your penis.
low self esteeem!! same for others as well.. just unfortunate because that is such a turnoff
Lol! I dunno. People have issues that you can't do anything about so it's best just to ignore them.
Everyone that isn't putting God first in there life worries too much about what other people think.Just tell the guy to relax and pray to God for understanding about life and maybe you both could read a bible and discuss it together.A good teacher is wwwshepherdschapelcom he has been teaching for 50 years.All he does is read the bible and tell you what it means.God bless!
I dislike it when feminist like yourself try to define and dictate what an acceptable man is. But if you are happy with your husband I am happy for you. I am an a%26amp;%26amp;hole but I would never make light of the crime committed against you like the other guy did. That's totally uncalled for.
';I don't understand this shaming idea. You would think they are 4.';

Ah, the irony: You claim you don't understand shaming, yet you frame your claim using shaming language: ';You would think they are 4';. LOL So I guess your understanding is at an unconscious level.
Why are sexists ego's so much more fragile, that they have to slip in snide, dirty comments designed to shame such as 'fragile egos' ? Can't they just say something nice without throwing pathetic little shaming efforts in?
Because it is sometimes done deliberatly as a comparison to said man.

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