Wednesday, August 18, 2010

Was I right or wrong on marriage?

I never want to have children or marriage. My girlfriend recently broke up with me because I don't want marriage.

In America, 75% of marriages end in divorce (80% initiated by women). Marriage is made to benefit women and especially after the divorce. How many men do you know were financially hurt after the divorce? My dad certainly has. 99% of younger modern women don't believe in monogamy (which completely died out).

Is there something wrong with men not wanting marriage or children?Was I right or wrong on marriage?
You don't have to marry if you don't want to. You don't have to have children if you don't want to.

You will die alone and there will be a time in your life when you wonder why you didn't give love and commitment a chance.Was I right or wrong on marriage?
i personally want a family, marriage and kids, but thats not for everyone. i dont think there is anything wrong with that and if she loved you then she would be with you regardless of a ring on her finger. you have nothing to worry about, soon you will find someone that loves you for who you are and doesnt expect anything more than you have promised to give. maybe years down the line you will change your mind(it can happen) but it shouldnt be forced upon you. hope this helps xx
no but not all women are not out to get you so your way of thinking is way off. Some people still have real morals and beliefs
Everyone is entittled to their own views
I think you need to do what is right for you. In fact, as long as your attitude is reflected by the above comments, it would be wrong for you to marry or have children. As long as you are honest and upfront with the women you date about your attitudes towards marriage and children, I don't see anything wrong with it.
I don't think you should just automatically rule it out. Everyone is entitled to their own choices of course, but maybe someday you'll meet the girl who will change your mind. I'm surprised that you cited your Dad as someone who was financially hurt in a divorce. Don't you care that your Mom should have some financial stability also.?
Sir, there are plenty of women who are not interested in children or marriage. But for some reason, you chose the princess who wanted that, AND APPARENTLY - are hung up about the whole thing. I suggest you ask yourself why it is you keep chasing women who you know you cannot have and take it from there. And while you're at it, get your act together!
I think it's wrong for you to let statistics tell you how to choose in your life. There are still the 25% that end up happy. Plus last time I check wives and children are affected financially by the divorce as well, not just husbands. ALSO, don't associate infidelity with the younger crowd solely.
Marriage is not beneficial to women in most cases. It is only worth it you find a guy you like enough to endure pregnancy, more house work, compromising, in-laws, and overall stress in addition to your regular job.

Many women make a higher salary than men now. If you are worried about getting financially hurt, just marry a woman who makes the same or more than you.

The reason most divorces are initiated by women is because their husband cheated (but yes women cheat too).

I think your imagination has inflated your fears of women.

There are a lot of good men AND women out there.

You cannot think negatively like this --it will ruin your life.

Keep an open mind.

Many men choose the most beautiful woman in the room and are then surprised that they did not get a girl that matched their values and personality. Then they get burned badly.

They don't know how to choose women correctly, so they get burned time and time again.

Society teaches men the wrong way to choose women- based on looks alone.

They should get to know the women around them first. Then out of the ones with good personalities and values, choose the one they are physically attracted to.
Yeah, I thought that way when I was younger. I kind of regret it now.
Your stats are a little off but many love marriage and stay married

many love and want kids

A friend of mine was lied to to by his wife for ten years before she finally confessed she never wanted kids. He divorced her and now has three kids with his 'new' wife And he is so happy
I think your statistics are VERY off. Obviously your dad's situation has made you think every marriage is toxic and so are most women. Well that's not true. And marriage does not just benefit women. I had perfect credit when I got married, and had many credit cards in my own name. After marriage he decided he wanted this and that and threw a fit if I didn't want to put them on my credit card, and in the end to avoid chaos I agreed and they just kept racking up without him making the payments. Well in the end and after the divorce who do you think got stuck with those huge credit card bills and subsequently bad credit???? That would be me!! So I guess I am one of the statistics you failed to mention. Even on this forum, who do you see doing most of the cheating?? Men that's who. So yes there are bad marriages, but there are wonderful marriages too. You shouldn't get married or have children with the negative feelings you obviously have. But also understand that most women are not going to put years of their life into you without a commitment in the end.
No, you just don't what a BAD marriage and perhaps (like many people) aren't willing to invest the time and effort it takes to have a good one.

Perhaps you've not seen an example of a good marriage to know how to go about building a successful marital relationship. There's a certain skill to maintaining a healthy relationship, and it does take work.

Perhaps you and those you know haven't learned how to pick the right persons for yourselves--don't know themselves well enough, looking in the wrong places, have misplaced priorities or other personal issues, etc. In that case, it's a good thing that you've chosen to steer clear of marriage.

Simply put, marriage can be wonderful or miserable, but its success does rely on the participants making the right choices. Most people can't see past their own noses to do that. Marriage isn't about all about SELF, but at this time in our society that's what people seem most concerned about.
Nothing wrong with you not wanting marriage or children. You are entitled to your own opinion. What is wrong is for you to expect your girlfriend to agree when she also is entitled to her own opinion. You are right to say in today's world people do not value marriage as in the past. But this does not mean marriage do not work. It all depends on the couple. If both people are determined to make it work and do all they can to keep it together then that makes a whole lot difference. Men do have a view on losing out in divorce. Women lose out more without marriage as without the commitment she sets herself up to dedicating many years to a guy who can just one day walk away without a glance looking back. I personally would not waste time on a man who was not willing to take the risk that comes with marriage. With love, comes risk. If you truly love her, you would be willing to take that risk. Sorry, just my opinion.. Good for her for standing up for what she believes in. She needs to find a guy who is on the same page as she is when it comes to marriage and commitment. Just read the bible and you will see how God was the one who invented marriage and he has good reasons why he did. In today's world people try to change the rules of God and make excuses. Doesn't fly in God's eyes. You may not be a believer and have your own opinions, but she has hers. Good luck to you anyway.
Nothing at all. some people are driven by fear others are driven by love/passion.

What freaks me out tho is the amount of people who value money over another person. Rather sad.

But I do think men get the short end of the stick with marriages as you stated most women don't care and will suck you dry.

I'm just glad I don't hang out with anyone like that. !!!

i'm also glad my marriage will be based of love and not a business deal as most are these days!

with divorse and chicks taking half and prenups and all that ';business'; shows me people marry for the wrong reasons. and that my friend is why the divorce rate is so high.!
I think I need references for your statistics before I even attempt a response.
99% of younger modern women don't believe in monogamy (which completely died out).

Please provide a link. hahahaha
Actually, only 33.4 percent of first marriages end before their 15th anniversary. Probably about 40% of marriages eventually end in divorce, which means that 60% of first marriages last for life.

Many statistics show that successful marriage improves life:

Marriage enables both men and women to live healthier and longer lives. Marriage not only improves women鈥檚 health, it improves men鈥檚 health even more. People who are married have lower rates of mortality, better health habits, higher levels of self-disclosure, lower hospital costs, and enjoy a social support network that boosts the immune system and improves physical health and survival.

Married men and women have higher levels of mental health and emotional well-being. Compared to single, divorced or widowed men, they experience less depression, anxiety, and other types of psychological distress.

Happiness clearly increases with marriage and decreases with divorce. Divorce is especially damaging to women鈥檚 mental health, with women reporting more depression and hostility, and less self-esteem, personal growth, self-acceptance and environmental mastery than divorcing men.

Married people enjoy more sex than singles. They also enjoy it more鈥攑hysically and emotionally. The married tend to have more sex because it costs them less in time, money and psychic energy. They find it more satisfying because their sex partner is more available, less distracted, more eager and more able to please.

The higher levels of satisfaction for married couples is related to the fact that marriage adds meaning to the sexual act because it symbolises a union that is based on sexual fidelity, stronger commitment and emotional intimacy.

Marriage plays a powerful role in the attainment of wealth. It has clear economic benefits for people with access to steady jobs and stable homes. People who are married have more money, and their money goes further. They tend to specialise, exchange, and share roles and functions in ways that generate higher earnings, encourage savings, help their partner to restrain from impulse spending, and generally leave the family financially better off. Clearly, married couples benefit from economies of scale, where two people live more cheaply than one.

Children are better off in a happy family. Being in a two-parent family provides them with a better standard of living and gives them a greater sense of supervision and protection. It also gives them twice as many contact hours with parents and provides role models who show them how to relate effectively to others. Children from intact families tend to perform better in school, are more likely to stay out of trouble, are less likely to be abused in their own home, and are less likely to get pregnant out of wedlock.

On the other hand, children who come from divorced homes tend to be worse off educationally, financially and psychologically. They are frequently subject to much greater health risks and frequently show signs of anxiety, depression, intense anger, disruptive behaviour and other forms of emotional distress for many years after the family has broken up.

Married couples tend to experience lower rates of domestic violence than those couples who cohabit. Cohabitation doesn鈥檛 provide as much safety for both women and children. The evidence suggests that single and divorced women are at greater risk of being victimised, and that children are much safer living with two parents than with a single parent, a live-in friend, or a step-parent family.


I think there is something wrong with your perception of marriage and women. I'm getting a divorce, I'm a woman, and my ex wants spousal and child support when I have our son 75% of the time. You are seeing things black and white here and it sounds like your father has steered you in the direction. I would say if you have this mentality, there is nothing wrong with YOU personally not ever getting married or having a family. But, be prepared to be a lonely old person who has nobody in their old age. Good luck!

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