Wednesday, August 18, 2010

Is loving other women wrong?

Not the same way as my wife of 20 years. I am with powerful, assertive, confident women in my work all day. They confide in me how lonely they are and how men are afraid of them so they never have dates or relationships. Some of them are making it known that they want me -- they find it stimulating that I like aware, refined, intelligent, confident women. I even love one or two of them in a work-love kind of way -- not the same as I love my wife, and I would never act on these feelings for these other women. BUT: Am I wrong to be frank with my wife about how I feel? I do the best I can to show her that she's tops on my list, always have; but in recent years, as her interest in sex with me has dwindled as it sometimes will at the 20-year mark or so, I see my confessed feelings for these other women are beginning to bother her more. So what should I do? Bottle up my feelings and deny them until they explode in some kind of inappropriate action? Advice, please?Is loving other women wrong?

I am probably wayy younger than you considering you've been married for 20 years and this may sound rediculous,

but, i was watching an episode of house and the couple's marriage was slowly going down the drain and they agreed to have an ';open marriage'; where they can both freely date and have sex with other people and they were okay with it. maybe you could try talking to your wife about this?

It seems they are pretty happy and they have more love than i've ever seen someone with their spouse and they both just said '; at the end of the day i know i love him and when i come home he gives me 90% of the love i need, i get the other 10% from my sexual partners';

maybe sounds rediculous but looks like it helped?

hope this helped(:Is loving other women wrong?
You never put another women in between you and your marriage. If it comes down to moral issues you divorce. Never should you do the woman you committed to wrong. keep your mouth closed or you will fear your wife one day.
If you have feelings for these women, there is something lacking in your relationship w/ your wife. I think it's normal to have thoughts just not act on them b/c I bet if your wife is honest w/ you she also has the same kind of thoughts. As long as it's not bothering her for you to be honest why lie or deny your thoughts? We can't control what thoughts pop into our mind we can only control if we entertain them or not.
yes !!!! of course.
I think you need to answer the more important question. Why has she lost interest in having sex with you? What can you both do to rekindle the romance? If it's hormonal, talk with a doctor. Have you allowed yourselves to fall into a rut? It takes some effort to find what you've lost or rather have been losing over time.

I would not tell your wife you have feelings of ';work related love'; for other women. It may make you feel better but I highly doubt she'll be feeling very happy or secure knowing that the man she loves, that she's not having much sex with is off to work where he has feelings of love for other women. How would you feel if she told you something like that?

It's not that you should bottle up these feelings. I think you're having them because of what's missing at home. Work on the home front and the ';work/love'; scenario won't matter and the love or rather....lust....since you did say.....explode in some kind of inappropriate action...let's call it what it really is...minimal sex at home....available, lonely women at work....lust.....

So, get your home life in order and you'll be able to handle your work life more appropriately.
Do you know anything about women? Telling your wife that you are having feelings for other women has to be the dumbest thing I've ever heard. If anything your wife is probably looking to have her own affair by now. Just because she has little interest in having sex with you, doesn't mean she has no desire. She is tired of you too. So in answer to your question, Yes you keep your thoughts to yourself. Some things are not meant to be shared. You grow up and realize this is life. You are married and you stop trying to make some stupid effed up decision that will end up with you losing everything.
Twenty years is a very, very long time my friend. Naturally, during that time you've explored just about everything there is to explore with you wife, emotionally, sexually, the whole range of experiences with her leave you feeling completely saturated by this woman. And curious to know what it would be like to *be* with a different woman is something all men yearn for.

A no holds barred night out with whomever you want is the right medicine here. You've earned it amigo. If the women at work are as willing as you say, then they are yours for the picking. And really stop being so damned honest about your feelings about other women with your wife. That's a recipe for disaster! Keep it to yourself, or use forums like this to vent, but stop talking to her about it. It will only make things worse.
I, I, I. You don't realize that to a woman and some men...if you keep harping about your feelings for other also bring doubt into the relationship that you have possibly acted on those feelings. Not every one can handle your frankness and believe that you have never cheated...I got swamp land in NEW YORK to sell you too!

YOU ARE INSENSITIVE. You are asking your wife to be your best buddy...someone whom you can confide your inner most thoughts to and you have only now given thought that through the years...20 years of hearing you rant about other women, who evidently have a strength or something that your wife does not have, and she should be proud about you 'saying' that you never cheated or allowed yourself to get weak enough to act on your feelings. Frankly, I would invite you to go and do so...see if they can live with the reality of you and not the superficial you.

Did anyone ever explain to you that people are married, 35-40 years or more by keeping it mentally healthy to each other. Raising the self esteem of the other person...not tearing it down with doubt, insecurity of being inadequate, which is what you have done to you wife, with your so called truth. YES, you should have saved those thoughts for the boys at a bar, over a beer...not your wife.

If you truly love her, you need to make her the focus of all your attention, everyday. What is stale in the relationship, you need to work on it being renewed, refreshed, worth keeping alive with compliments and nurturing EVERYDAY. Your focus on other women are a choice, not just a slip of the penis. You move buddy.
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