Wednesday, August 18, 2010

Men, serious question about porn in marriage?

I read many questions here, and have even posted one of my own on this topic: Why is it ok for men to view porn when it interferes with the sex in the relationship?





Every time a female asks what to do when their man looks at porn so much that they are not being sexually satisfied, men just say porn is normal and to deal with it. Rarely, if ever, do the men answering the question address the issue of the female in the relationship needed sexual satisfaction.





Yet there are questions all the time from men whining about not being sexually satisfied and they get empathy. Usually women sex drives lower because of stress, kids, life. Not because they are spending all their sexual energy elsewhere, like porn. Yet when men spend there sexual energy elsewhere, the women get lectures on how important a sex drive is for a man. Apparently, the male sex drive is so important that it is normal to exert that energy on porn and ignore the real thing. So please, go ahead lecture me/explain to me how my sex drive is not important as yours.





How is this not a double standard? Why do a females sexual needs take a backseat not matter what, but mens are so important that its ok for them to view porn and sexually neglect their spouse?





If a women was exerting their sexually energy and neglecting their husband sexually, what do you think the reaction would be from society overall? Empathy and not acceptance of the issue, I think. How is this not a double standard guys?Men, serious question about porn in marriage?
I agree with you, but I've never seen anyone argue that porn is OK if it's interfering with sex in a relationship. People may skim questions and miss that point. I think people usually say that if your spouse is satisfying you sexually, it's no skin off your back if they also watch porn.Men, serious question about porn in marriage?
Oh, so I'm ignorant, self-righteous, or in denial because I don't think the same way you do? You didn't want your question answered..you wanted someone to agree with you. Now who's self righteous?

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All you did was say why porn was ok-which was my exact point. If a womens sexual needs are not being meet and porn may be playing a role, all she gets is people telling her why porn is OK and her question of sexual satisfaction gets totally ignored. You proved my point not answer my question

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I think the issue isn't the women are sexually unsatisfied who whine about porn. If you read their questions, they come across as uptight and often frigid and painfully (almost suffocatingly) insecure with serious control issues.





Porn isn't a big deal. Women look at it too. Not just men. And both partners should be making sure the other is satisfied. Please don't speak for ';us women'; when you can only speak for yourself and do not represent the rest of us.
This is how I take care of this discussion,





Sex toys are the same thing as porn,





Its another way besides your significant other to get off.





So if you use sex toys, I watch porn.





Equality is a b*tch.
Because viewing porn does NOT interfere with sex in the relationship. If anything, it enhances it. So your initial premise for this question is incorrect.
men that view porn are not getting enough. you talk about the woman's sexual needs if they were acting upon there needs at home i can assure you the man would lay off the porn.
Porn in any marriage is not good. Get that junk out of your marriage, that is, if you love her.
if the women gave it up and performed decently, we wouldnt need porn.
Sometimes I watch my husband jacking off at night watching porn after he thinks I've gone to bed...oh what a show!! LOL!!
If porn interferes with sex in a relationship, then it IS a problem. It becomes an addiction, just like alcohol or drugs or gambling, and it must be treated.





But the vast majority of questions you read about men and porn is from women who are simply upset that their husbands or boyfriends watch porn at all, with the caveat that they DO have a very fulfilling sex life so they think that he should never watch it. So clearly the porn is NOT interfering with sex in the relationship in the vast majority of cases where men watch it.





Not a double standard at all, just your misunderstanding of the questions asked.





And it's not that a man's sex drive/needs is more important than a woman's, it's that a man's sex drive/needs is more easily satisfied than a woman's.
I don't think it is a bad idea for either sex to watch porn. I think it can help to keep you and your spouses sexual relationship from getting stale. I also think that if you and your husband have a good sexual relationship, meaning we both get it pretty much when we want it, then I don't see the problem with either of them watching it as individuals. I know that pretty much every person who has been at home alone while their spouse is working has at one point or another masturbated. I don't see anything wrong with that either.


I can understand a woman or a man getting upset if their spouse watched porn and then didn't want to have sex with them because the ';real'; thing wasn't as sexually stimulating, but I can't imagine that happening often..unless that person is completely bored with the ';real'; sexual relationship.


Some people are into different things too..you know, what gets their cookies. lol Maybe if a couple have two totally different outlooks on something..perhaps one is far more open to different things than the other, then I can certainly see this. I couldn't begin to tell you what to do to fix it, but I would that at least he or she is only watching porn and not out trying to fulfill their sexual fantasies.


I guess what I'm saying overall is that watching porn and masturbating are not cheating in my book. If the spouse is jealous then there are some definite underlying problems in the relationship. JMO
I do not answer questions that way. What I do is challenge a woman not to *assume* that porn is the reason they are not sexually satisfied. What I tell them is, if they're not sexually satisfied, don't even mention porn, but do have a discussion about just that. I believe problems arise when sexually dissatisfied women attack porn viewing as the culprit when it may well be entirely different reasons. While I think that porn sometimes does detract from a husband's sexual interest in his wife, that's not true in the majority of cases.
Most of the time, viewing porn has nothing to do with the woman's sex drive. If the female isn't getting her sexual needs met and she tells her SO she wants sex, an overwhelming amount of the time, she will get it. This isn't as likely to happen when the man isn't getting his needs met. I realize there are cases where porn becomes a substitute for normal activity in a marriage. Those tend to be the exception rather than the rule. You seem to be trying to compare two things that do not have much to do with each other.

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