Friday, August 20, 2010

What is wrong with me, and how can I tell my parents I want to see a psychologist/counselor?

Okay, so I've been feeling sad, worthless, and guilty since the sixth grade. I'm in eighth now. A few times a week I'll feel like life isn't worth living for, that I should just die. I think everyone would be better off if I were dead. But I'm not suicidal. I also cut myself, but the most I've ever done it is three times in two(or was it one?) weeks. So, that's not that bad, I'm fine with that. I also lose track of time a lot, I forget what I'm supposed to do, and I always keep my emotions inside. I haven't cried in a long time. My bearded dragon died two days ago, I did love her. But when I felt that my emotions were getting out of hand, I pushed my emotions aside, took a deep breath, and just felt...empty. I buried her and got back onto the computer.

My parents are odd. My mom loves us, but she babies us too much. She freaks out whenever I even climb a tree, ffs. She will constantly keep barging into my room and telling me what I need to do, she'll repeat something over and over again. She's also a hypocrite. She tells us that we can get up and do something, as she's been working all day. But you know what she really does? She goes over to her mom's house and stuffs her face with her mum's food. That's her idea of working. For her. Man, I hate her.

My dad is all right. He loves us, takes care of us, and isn't annoying. He does his best to cheer us up whenever he can see that we feel down.

Usually I put on a happy face or act like I'm very tired and antisocial. Well, I am antisocial. I was quite surprised when I realized that I was actually a pretty good actress.

Okay, enough of rambling. Do I need help? And if I do, how can I tell my parents that I want to see a psychologist or a counselor? I don't want to see their faces when the counselor tells them that I self mutilate myself. It won't matter to them that I only do it about once every week or two. How can I tell them that I want to see a counselor without them telling me to go read the bible and pray? Help! I don't even know who I am anymore, I don't know who I am.

Another idea. Going to the school counselor, talking it over with her? I don't want to be Baker Acted because I harm myself. I don't even harm myself a lot! Just once or twice every two weeks. And I only cut enough so that blood runs down my arm. One cut each time. Usually.What is wrong with me, and how can I tell my parents I want to see a psychologist/counselor?
I'm going to have to start off by saying that you're not alone in feeling this way. I've been in the same boat before when I was your age, engaged in the same sorts of behaviors, and I know how much it sucks. I think that you're brave enough to admit that you want to talk to someone about what is going on, and that's something that takes a lot so I commend you for it.

In terms of family issues. No family is perfect and, for better or for worse, they're the only family that we have. The important thing is that it seems as though both parents love you and both parents care for you.

I understand why you might not want to tell a counselor about the cutting or the thoughts of suicide. I mean, if anyone else heard that...they might assume that you wanted to commit suicide, right? You and I, and anyone else that has been in the same situation, know that that is not the case.

To tell your parents that you want to see a psychologist can be rough. However, you need to be firm in your belief that you want to go and you think you need to go. You don't necessarily have to tell your parents the specifics as to why you want to go...and your psychologist most likely won't tell your parents everything. I would plan out what you want to say and how you want to say it so it seems as though you have given it thought and it's not some random thing you want to do.

And if the psychologist thing for some reason or another does not work are some things that helped me. Talk to a friend or write down your emotions in a journal. It is so much better to let them out than to keep them inside, trust me. Also, the way that I stopped cutting is that whenever I felt the urge to do it, I would go into my closet and use whatever it was that I would use to cut myself and scratch the wall with it. It still got some of the emotions out, without actually doing harm to myself.

Again, you're not alone in this and you're very brave to come out and say that you might need help. Talk to your parents about the psychologist, see what they say.What is wrong with me, and how can I tell my parents I want to see a psychologist/counselor?
If you are feeling this way, you really should talk to someone.

i know it may feel hard/awkward at first but youre not the only one who feels this way and you should get help. i remember middle school was the hardedest time for me, i felt the way you did, i personally found help through god but dont go there searching for answers beacuse you wont always get them. dont think something is ';wrong'; with you, something is ';wrong'; with everyone. you know, at some point everyone will suffer some type of mental disorder? its because there are so many chemicals in our brains, sometime or another they are going to react in a weird way. part of your problem is probably due to hormones...they are a *****. you seem to have a nice life, try and appreciate it. please dont cut yourself, you will regret the scars later. i used to scratch myself, i didnt even realize it, and thought nothing of it till i had scars all over my arms and i found out that was a type of self harm, thats when i started to hate anyone who said people cut for attention, you really cant help it. you should get help, no one will think your bad or stupid, just talk to anyone you can trust.
what you are going through is surprisingly more normal than you think. I went through extreme depression when I was 15. I was very overweight and had acne. I was not popular. My family life at home was awful. I was suicidal. I actually did not end up going to counselor until later on in my late teens and early twenties and by then I was more stable. I lost the weight. I finally was able to leave high school. The counselor I went to was great but she always expected me to find ways to work on and fix my problems rather than sitting there and complaining. She said ok, so you are not happy- what are you going to do about it? are you going to join some clubs? take some classes? go to college? my point is- I know it is hard right now but you can make changes in your life. Sometimes it takes effort but you can have the life that you want. Don't think you can't. You can. My parents are clueless. They are not much of a help but sometimes that is life. Join some clubs or take art classes, start making the life you want. You can do it.
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