Friday, August 20, 2010

What is your opinion on ';settling'; for a spouse when it comes to marriage?

There comes an age in every man or woman's life when that prince charming or miss right simply hasn't made an appearance in your life or they somehow managed to slip through your fingers. Basically when a ladies clock starts to tick very loudly or a man gets to the age where he wants to at least know his kids into their 30's and meet their grand children. Another reason might be loneliness but the question is just how prevalent is it for men and woman to ';settle'; for a partner? when considering the reasons i gave previously, when they might not be the best for you but are pretty close. Is this a good idea or should one always marry for love? must everything click together like it was fate? Or can a person be terribly practical in such a circumstance and forget romanticism? If so what would be the outcome to such a relationship? Personally i think break up but if people want kids and are of a certain age i can understand them getting together and at least giving it a go whilst having children together, what are your thoughts on the matter?

Thanks.What is your opinion on ';settling'; for a spouse when it comes to marriage?
Truth be told, marriage ';for love'; is rather foolish - actually it's intrinsically foolish.

Don't ';settle'; - figure out what you really want in a partner that is obtainable by you.

e.g. What do you have to offer that the opposite sex cares about?

Find a good partner and the love will come later.

You might never have the steamy romance but oh well, not everyone does.

The advice from unwed women in their forties is... SETTLE.

Don't be so nit-picky.

The advice from unwed men in their forties is... Don't marry!What is your opinion on ';settling'; for a spouse when it comes to marriage?
NEVER settle. You should be happy in your life if you are single or with someone. If you settle, you will be disappointed.
This is difficult. If you wait, the window of opportunity may pass and it may never happen. You stand the chance of meeting the person of your dreams when you are married. Living with someone day after day where there is no passion would seem to be a dreary existence. However, I suppose if you are able to live with the trade-offs - living with a spouse you do not love and may even come to dislike for 18 - 20 years albeit with the love of children.
Don't do it! If you must lower your standards, lower them but don't lay 'em down by the river side. I made that mistake and is very unhappily married right now.
Don't settle but also be realistic about attracting your equal by not overestimating yourself.
Thoughout human history perfectly functional marriages have been formed for reasons other that romantic love. In fact, if one could let go of that ';requirement'; and find someone compatiable in goals and values while offering mutual respect a pretty good family life could be bult. A bit of physical attraction should be there, you have to want to be affectionate with your spouse. But phyisical attraction is not enought to get you through think and thin. You need character for that.
I'd rather end up happily single than settling for less than ideal. I think you would eventually resent the other person for not being what you wanted.
love is the main reason to settle for a partner. Love is something that grows the more longer you are together, trust, respect, intimacy and all those other aspects grow more until there is a point where you can not be without each other. This is when you get married and are in a pure relationship that you can be proud of and name. Most people dont get married because they lose faith in love due to an incident they have faced (break up). But break up could just mean you were not in love but lust or infatuation. Moreover, there are down-points of every single aspect in the world, yes break-up along with cheating, using (sex, money etc). But when you have the right person it will work out most likely as it takes two hands to clap not one.
If you settle you probably will at some point, when things aren't going so well, either blame your husand/wife.

IF you settle for a person who, ok, isn't that perfect one you dreamed of, but you enjoy each other's company and like doing the same things, I see nothing wrong with it.

I have a friend who was always judgmental of other people and their so-called shortcomings and then at 30 (while still living at home w/parents) she married a guy who drank beer every day and couldn't hold down a job and at most worked 3 days a week while she worked years day in and day out and the only reason they have a home and cars is because of her. In their pictures he never leans toward her or has an arm around her, it is always her leaning toward and reaching for him.

What a bum!!! (btw her parents disliked him a lot and her mom told my mom that, but to be kind I never let on what I knew, even when she asked why her then widowed Mom made them move out.) Her Mom got tired of him sitting around her home not working and drinking every day.

So THAT is settling big time in my opinion. If you find a 'friend' in life and marry them, I see no problem as you care for each other. Life isn't perfect.
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