Monday, August 16, 2010

Husband just devalues me all the time ... how do I put a stop to it?


We've been married for 7 months now and I used to get so wild early on when he does this but nowaadays i'm totally fed up and donno wat to do. The other day my husband insulted mein front of our housemaid saying ';I have no idea how to talk back to our rude neighbor... like im no good in talking to people';. I ignored it. Then again today one of his friends called up to tell him that his wife's taking VBS classes for kids in church and I heard my husband say to him... my wife has never been to VBS ever... that really hurt me bcos (a) that's not true (b) he has no right to talk about me like that. I stayed silent for a while and didn't respond when he asked me to set the table and then he understood something was wrong. I said let's discuss it now and he started shouting at me saying I never tell him wats wrong and I stay mum as an idiot. This really hurt me and I said the next time he belittles me in front of his friends I'm going to retort back right there and finally he's gone to office now.

I have a feeling my husband always make a comparison between his friend's wife and me. But the thing is she's from a village and I'm from a city. Plus she doesn't work and the people from her place are usually brought up with a attitude of listening to men (husband/dad) all the time. So I don't think its fair to even compare us. Should I let him kno that too:?Husband just devalues me all the time ... how do I put a stop to it?
wave him goodbye,or put up with it,,your call,cheers and goodluck,,Husband just devalues me all the time ... how do I put a stop to it?

stand up for yourself.

Nobody has the right to insult you...not even your husband.

If he really loves you...he shouldn't act like that..

Speak out to him...Make it clear to him that you are not allowing him to act like that.
It's about time you let him know you're not going to take cr*p from him anymore. You've got to mean it, though, and follow through.

It sounds like he's been very frustrated with you clamming up all the time, and when you finally said let's talk about it, he vented his frustration with you.

Don't ignore his rude comments. Challenge them. But do it calmly. And if he starts shouting, tell him you'd be glad to discuss whatever topic is frustrating him, but he'll have to calm down first.

How were you when you first knew him? Were you a timid little mouse then? How can someone know who you are if you never voice your viewpoints and opinions?

How do you know he's comparing you to this other woman? You can't accuse him of that without having some solid evidence.

It's sounds like the two of you are frustrated with each other. Open the lines of communication between the two of you. I think you both feel lonely and estranged from each other.
Do not stay silent for a while (do not sulk), tell him as soon as you have a private moment why you are upset.

Do not accuse him, the way you tell him is like this: ';When you compare me with X, you make me feel as if ... That is why I want you to stop doing it.';.

If he keeps on doing this, make a comparison yourself immediately afterwards - to show him what he is doing.

E.g. after he compares you to your neighbour's wife, say something like this: ';Well, since you compare me to Jill, let me compare you with John - John is so good at gardening and you are not';.

He will soon get the message.

Tell him that if he belittles you in front of friends you will leave the house or your guest's house without him and he can be embarassed by explaining the situation. Stick to your promise and do it.
Are you trying to solve your marriage or do you want to gossip only?

Everything your husband is doing or saying against you is provoked by your own attitude.

Okay, stay calm don't jump yet!

Here is the trick: when women forget to act like women, their man is the first to notice. In other words you did not realize when you became aggressive towards people and of course toward your husband which makes him answer back to you 100 times with more bitterness than you initially thought to.

No one has anything against you, stop comparing yourself with others and stop taking all that personal. It is not.

Remember a woman is feminine by nature and a hetero man cannot resist to this. If you forget about this then please forget about your relationship.

I am here to remind you this.

That long time passed since you got married? If didn't happen 100 years back, chances are you might remember how feminine and sweet and full of energy you used to be at the beginning. Bring that woman back again. It is that simple.

You don't believe me? Then try it, what do you have to lose anyway? Maybe your ego?
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