Friday, August 20, 2010

What is wrong with me, and how can I tell my parents I want to see a psychologist/counselor?

Okay, so I've been feeling sad, worthless, and guilty since the sixth grade. I'm in eighth now. A few times a week I'll feel like life isn't worth living for, that I should just die. I think everyone would be better off if I were dead. But I'm not suicidal. I also cut myself, but the most I've ever done it is three times in two(or was it one?) weeks. So, that's not that bad, I'm fine with that. I also lose track of time a lot, I forget what I'm supposed to do, and I always keep my emotions inside. I haven't cried in a long time. My bearded dragon died two days ago, I did love her. But when I felt that my emotions were getting out of hand, I pushed my emotions aside, took a deep breath, and just felt...empty. I buried her and got back onto the computer.





My parents are odd. My mom loves us, but she babies us too much. She freaks out whenever I even climb a tree, ffs. She will constantly keep barging into my room and telling me what I need to do, she'll repeat something over and over again. She's also a hypocrite. She tells us that we can get up and do something, as she's been working all day. But you know what she really does? She goes over to her mom's house and stuffs her face with her mum's food. That's her idea of working. For her. Man, I hate her.





My dad is all right. He loves us, takes care of us, and isn't annoying. He does his best to cheer us up whenever he can see that we feel down.





Usually I put on a happy face or act like I'm very tired and antisocial. Well, I am antisocial. I was quite surprised when I realized that I was actually a pretty good actress.





Okay, enough of rambling. Do I need help? And if I do, how can I tell my parents that I want to see a psychologist or a counselor? I don't want to see their faces when the counselor tells them that I self mutilate myself. It won't matter to them that I only do it about once every week or two. How can I tell them that I want to see a counselor without them telling me to go read the bible and pray? Help! I don't even know who I am anymore, I don't know who I am.








Another idea. Going to the school counselor, talking it over with her? I don't want to be Baker Acted because I harm myself. I don't even harm myself a lot! Just once or twice every two weeks. And I only cut enough so that blood runs down my arm. One cut each time. Usually.What is wrong with me, and how can I tell my parents I want to see a psychologist/counselor?
I'm going to have to start off by saying that you're not alone in feeling this way. I've been in the same boat before when I was your age, engaged in the same sorts of behaviors, and I know how much it sucks. I think that you're brave enough to admit that you want to talk to someone about what is going on, and that's something that takes a lot so I commend you for it.





In terms of family issues. No family is perfect and, for better or for worse, they're the only family that we have. The important thing is that it seems as though both parents love you and both parents care for you.





I understand why you might not want to tell a counselor about the cutting or the thoughts of suicide. I mean, if anyone else heard that...they might assume that you wanted to commit suicide, right? You and I, and anyone else that has been in the same situation, know that that is not the case.





To tell your parents that you want to see a psychologist can be rough. However, you need to be firm in your belief that you want to go and you think you need to go. You don't necessarily have to tell your parents the specifics as to why you want to go...and your psychologist most likely won't tell your parents everything. I would plan out what you want to say and how you want to say it so it seems as though you have given it thought and it's not some random thing you want to do.





And if the psychologist thing for some reason or another does not work out...here are some things that helped me. Talk to a friend or write down your emotions in a journal. It is so much better to let them out than to keep them inside, trust me. Also, the way that I stopped cutting is that whenever I felt the urge to do it, I would go into my closet and use whatever it was that I would use to cut myself and scratch the wall with it. It still got some of the emotions out, without actually doing harm to myself.





Again, you're not alone in this and you're very brave to come out and say that you might need help. Talk to your parents about the psychologist, see what they say.What is wrong with me, and how can I tell my parents I want to see a psychologist/counselor?
If you are feeling this way, you really should talk to someone.


i know it may feel hard/awkward at first but youre not the only one who feels this way and you should get help. i remember middle school was the hardedest time for me, i felt the way you did, i personally found help through god but dont go there searching for answers beacuse you wont always get them. dont think something is ';wrong'; with you, something is ';wrong'; with everyone. you know, at some point everyone will suffer some type of mental disorder? its because there are so many chemicals in our brains, sometime or another they are going to react in a weird way. part of your problem is probably due to hormones...they are a *****. you seem to have a nice life, try and appreciate it. please dont cut yourself, you will regret the scars later. i used to scratch myself, i didnt even realize it, and thought nothing of it till i had scars all over my arms and i found out that was a type of self harm, thats when i started to hate anyone who said people cut for attention, you really cant help it. you should get help, no one will think your bad or stupid, just talk to anyone you can trust.
what you are going through is surprisingly more normal than you think. I went through extreme depression when I was 15. I was very overweight and had acne. I was not popular. My family life at home was awful. I was suicidal. I actually did not end up going to counselor until later on in my late teens and early twenties and by then I was more stable. I lost the weight. I finally was able to leave high school. The counselor I went to was great but she always expected me to find ways to work on and fix my problems rather than sitting there and complaining. She said ok, so you are not happy- what are you going to do about it? are you going to join some clubs? take some classes? go to college? my point is- I know it is hard right now but you can make changes in your life. Sometimes it takes effort but you can have the life that you want. Don't think you can't. You can. My parents are clueless. They are not much of a help but sometimes that is life. Join some clubs or take art classes, start making the life you want. You can do it.
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  • Survey: Did you know that in the first Iron Man movie they were actually setting up for the sequel?

    I asked this in movies as well. But right after the credits, Samuel L. Jackson appears and Tony Stark is like who the hell are you? And they have a small conversation on how Iron Man isn't the only superhero in the world. I recently watched the first Iron Man and skipped to the end for the credits because I was looking for a little clip at the end. Movies do that sometimes and Pixar did it some of their films as well.Survey: Did you know that in the first Iron Man movie they were actually setting up for the sequel?
    Yes I did.Survey: Did you know that in the first Iron Man movie they were actually setting up for the sequel?
    Yeah, like Monster inc, what the hell ever happened to monsters incorporated two? HUH!?!?
    I did not know that. I watched it once and only once.

    How do you know that you've found your Juliet?

    All the world to stage, and all the men and women merely players where as we are the main characters, but how do you know you've found your match?How do you know that you've found your Juliet?
    when u have eaten the life regretting forbidden food





    i mean the wedding cakeHow do you know that you've found your Juliet?
    When your heart tells you 'shes the one' rather then your mind
    I think there has to be thousands of Romeos I could have let into my life, but I've chosen this one - I wouldn't have it any other way.
    You know when they accept you unconditionally and you accept them back with that same feeling, you learn each other's habits, trains of thought, ideas and wants until you feel like there is no one better suited to be with you, you know they are the one because even if you found someone like them, you still want them. Shakespeare believed that true love was endless and unshakable, I tend to be a bit of a romanticist myself, I agree with Shakespeare on that. It's just that true love is rare and hard to find nowadays.
    when she calls me ROMEO and feeds me lots of oysters and Champagne and bathes with me


    in lavender scented goats milk
    When she puts up with you being you.





    Like the real you.





    The lazy, sloathy you, that no one apart from you ever really gets to see.





    If she seems happy after witnessing that, and you like her in the same respect, you've got a keeper.

    If I Put Miracle Grow (for plants) On My Penis...... would any of you girls care to give me your number?

    will it grow the size of a cactus? still would it grow spikes and branches grow from it?, i could fight crimes. they shall call me DICK MAN thus stopping criminals with my MEGA strong sperm that could stick them to the walls? how does this sound?





    Naa na na na na na na na naa naa naa DICK MAN, how does that sound?








    hmm, maybe i shall get myself a side kick... his name shall be BIG BALL BAG BOY?If I Put Miracle Grow (for plants) On My Penis...... would any of you girls care to give me your number?
    its not DICK MAN....its THE DICK MAN...

    Are all men just self absorbed?

    I have only been with one man for close to a decade. He is just so self involved. I mean, he is unable to work right now and that is fine. I am working around 60 hours a week. I come home and have found myself having to clean because he just wants to play video games. We recently moved and I have been the one unpacking and cleaning. He, at one point knew there was something wrong and would ask but I didn't want to talk about it because he will get defensive and we would have fought. So kept my mouth shut, I don't nag(he actually nags)He was so self absorbed he acted like he didn't know what was stressing me out was that he wasn't doing crap and I was, on top of working 60 hours. He then asked me to do something else around the house and I blew up at him. I had had it. I feel like he will just walk on me and I have to be careful not to let him.





    I later heard him giving relationship advice to another guy. He told him that if your girlfriend has a problem just ignore it, she will eventually ***** and it will be over(he called it ';pimp logic';). He has no idea I heard this. Is he so self absorbed that he really didn't know what was bothering me, or was he just trying to see how far he could push me?





    I also told him to go ahead and take time off when he got laid off. I had been laid off myself for about a year and the house was always clean and dinner always cooked and he was only working 40 hours a week. So I am not bothering him about finding a job and he is enjoying his time off.





    Stuff has just built up and I am thinking about leaving. It has not been perfect, of course. But are all men this way? We have been together 9 years this July. He has been mentioning wanting to have a kid in the next few years-but right now I cannot even imagine one with him. I turned 29 today and I cannot believe how unhappy I have become with him. I do not want to start the next decade of my life feeling like I do today.





    Is my determination not to be the ';nagging wife'; biting me in the butt? Are most men this way? Do you think I am being walked on or is he just self absorbed and clueless?Are all men just self absorbed?
    In the defense of good men everywhere, I am appalled that you would imply that all men are as cruel as the one you have given 9 years of your life to. In your defense, you were so very young when you limited your life to just him, you didn't have the life experience to know better.





    Please don't subject yourself to this man's meanness any longer. And, whatever you do, don't bring innocent children into the situation.Are all men just self absorbed?
    Q: Are all women just self-absorbed? A: Of course not.
    Leave this fool! And don't look back!
    Sorry about your Life .. and yea Sorry i am not the one like him
    my man works full time, is a sole provider, and plus he does all the ';men's'; job - fixing stuff, building stuff, resolving problems. when some idiotic beatch hit my car on a parking place he was the one arranging everything to be fixed and talking to insurance companies about MY car. i on the other hand make all ';women's'; jobs - cooking, cleaning and blah. but i told him if i ever get a job (which i want very much but can't find) he either divides everything with me or gets a maid. so maybe, if u do not like your man, maybe u search for smth better. u have better chances at 29 and with no children than at 49 with lots of children. i say while u re young - as soon as u do not like smth - dump the loser. besides, u re the one who is working, how do u even let him treat u like this? he should stand and bark at command. also he should fetch and play dead on command too. jeesh, woman, people will treat u the way u let them treat u
    I'm so sorry that your going through this and lots of women have been here but this is an unfair question, I understand you feel upset and this particle man may deserve this question but there not all bad just some of them. I wish you luck and I hope that you move on from this person. Good luck love yourself and you will find someone amazing to love you back with lots of perks.
    my boyfriends not, granted we've been together for a year. he does his own laundry, pays his own bills, works at least 50 hours a week, and treats me well. he even put a table on the other side of his bed for my stuff. He does get a little involved playing video games on his xbox live, sometimes a little to much. but he stops when he knows i want on the internet. all in all he's a really great guy and i got really really lucky!
    Someone once told me that all men are selfish and only want sex. They will only be nice and love you and give to you if you make them.... How to make them do that, I have no idea. It sounds like your man has gotten some terrible advice on relationships. You need to talk to him about things. If he calls you a nag, it's because he doesn't want to deal with it. He just wants what he wants. He doesn't want to please you. Calling a woman a nag is a man's easy way out. You can't just NOT talk about things, because then nothing will change, he will only get worse because you're letting him. Don't let him run you over. Tell him what's on your mind, but don't lose your temper. Say something like, ';Look, Babe, I love you. But I need you to help me around the house. It's only fair. I work so much for us, and I understand you can't work right now but you could at least help me around the house. I'm not asking for a lot.'; And maybe try to do something together (something both of you like to do, and don't involve sex). Try to make him see the wonderful woman you are and how lucky he is to be with you. Make him remember why he is with you. Not so you can support his lazy *** but because of how much fun you have together. Try everything you can before you give up on your relationship. If nothing works and you're truly unhappy, end it and don't look back.
    Sounds like you need to sit him down for a little ';chit chat';. You have to call him out on the ';pimp logic'; thing. Ask him if he thinks of himself as the pimp, how does he see you? You need to then tell him you don't see yourself that way, and then give him a good ultimatum. If he is unwilling to change you may have to do a trial separation, and see if he comes to his senses. You actually have all the cards since you are the breadwinner. Men have traditionally held this roll,and it has contributed to their arrogant attitudes toward women. This guy is a real piece of work treating you like this when he is unemployed. Exactly what does he envision himself bargaining with? Have fun.
    he is hurting right now where is your loyalty im sure he wants nothing more than to be a provider get behind him stop complaining give him a chance to get himself together if you give up your giving up on your best friend

    How do you (a man) lose weight/fat without gaining muscle? (Legs/Thighs particularly)?

    I don't want any answers like ';why would you want to loose fat without gaining muscle?'; I just do. I don't want to be muscular, I don't want to be fat, I just want to be slim.How do you (a man) lose weight/fat without gaining muscle? (Legs/Thighs particularly)?
    Hi .'Af,





    You can go to the gym and do cardiovascular activities for an hour at least thrice a week. At the same time, you should also consider the proper how's of eating:


    1. Eat only when hungry-and stop before you鈥檙e full.


    2. Eat slowly and chew food thoroughly.


    3. Eat only when calm and relaxed.


    4. Allow plenty of time between meals.


    5. Drink plenty of water.





    It is not enough that you take a diet. You should take it as a lifestyle: Eat less and exercise more. :)


    Check out my source articles to know more. Good luck!How do you (a man) lose weight/fat without gaining muscle? (Legs/Thighs particularly)?
    Cardio, running, biking..


    Watch what you eat..cut on calories..cut greasy food, fast food..eat right..drink lots of water..
    Lots of cardio!! combined with a healthy balanced, high protein diet. you still should incorporate strength training in there somewhere.. just 1-3 times a week and work with lighter weights.
    lose fat with protocol.Its the best product
    One of the best method to loose weight, is through the change in the food you take. Prefer to eat less caloric food.This helps to loose weight easily, along with out running and work outs can be helpful.
    run

    Men?????????????

    I met this guy at a friends club a few weeks ago. we r both 20.an seemed2hit it off. I gave him my number an the next day he text mesaying 'this is my number how ru' txt each other through out the week i invited him out an he said he had a drivin test in the morning an he'd txt me2meet anuva time.Couple days later his best mate invited me out with them.So we all went 4a couple of drinks i ended up back at his house, we slept in the same bed had a kiss but no sex. Ive hurd from a of mine mate that the person i like an his best mate quote 'fancie every one' are sluts basicaly. But they r only human. Bit put off by that i think.Not sure. But any way we been texting each other again.I want to see him again but as last time i invited him out he basicaly said no i don't no if i should risk him sayin no again as will look a bit silly or just wait an see if i hear from him. I men if i text him he texts back so its not lik he dont wan2 talk to me but i can't seem 2 pin him down to meet up.Men?????????????
    give it up, no good can come of this...Men?????????????
    If you get into bed with a man (that you barely know) after the first date, then you are assuredly a slut.





    Either do him, or move along and give another slut a chance!
    if uve asked him several times 2 go out but ur not getting anywhere then ur not going 2 get anywhere with him .it sounds 2 me that he's just not wanting a dating situation
    well your young and he sounds younger in the head ...move on and find someone who will enjoy your company..


    and by the way txt is not romantic


    if you like to talk


    mad_mcgoo@yahoo.com
    tell him you want to bang him, he'll show up!! when he does show up bang him in the *** with a 2foot dildo. it's the only way, trust me!!
    where did u learn english?
    ';Ding, Ding, Ding, I'm sorry but the question you tried to ask is no longer in service. If you feel you reached this message in error, Please ask the question in simple, understandable English and try asking it again.';
    Well if he 'fancies sluts' I wouldnt take the risk (Im a guy but saying if i was a girl lol) but he was sweet to kiss you i guess if he really 'fancied sluts' to a huge point, he would prolly take advantage of you drinking and you being in his bed. So thats a good thing in him. If your afraid of him saying no again, just try. Go for it. Your both 20, so your young as hell, and have a whole life to go through still. If he denies you again, just be like in your head you know what f*ck this guy he's not worth it if he has to keep saying no, ill move on and find somebody else. And if your mad cause he says no, then go clubbin. You seem like you like doing that so just do some crap that gets your mind off him and have fun. Peace.
    oh yes sure sure hes not a player by the way i have a double bed but im single do you want to balance it out iknow iknow were pigs oink oink
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  • Question to dead beat fathers?

    why do fathers in general (dead beats) feel that its okay to hit and quit it? to get the women pregnant and then just leave? and why do women put up with that?





    Im currently in a relationship and i can tell you that i will NEVER think of ever leaving my girl to raise kids alone.. i just dont see how some men can do it? For those of you who never had a father figure in your life, could you ever see yourself doing what your father did?Question to dead beat fathers?
    Some men have no sense of responsibly time to break the chain of fools.Question to dead beat fathers?
    Some men hate women but they need sex.





    Some men don't like being controled by a woman and find leaving the only solution.





    Some men are'nt men at all, but grown up children.





    I would never do such a thing to my wife.
    I'm not a dead beat dad so I can only answer your question ';why do woman put up with (it)?';


    They put up with it because they have to. If their child's father walks out there isn't much they can do to stop it. They need to be stronger for the kids as well because there is only one of them.





    I congratulate you on being such a good dad. My dad was a bit of a dead beat so I know how important it is to have a father figure. Your kids will respect you for it.





    To all the other men who can't deal with having a baby then practice safe sex rather than planting an unwanted baby.
    Yes they can let me tell you why ! There selfish usually not even taught on what a man suppose to be never had an emotional connection with there mother are father in some points so why would they care if they didnt have love them selves. It depends on the person heart a good heart couldnt and wouldnt stoop so low but a guy who wants an easy life will run its about being responsible for another life when yours is already a mess just wanting to do what you want to do with no one holding them back is another reason there is so many.
    SOME people, men and women both, have no conscience, no moral or ethical compass. There is NO accounting for abject stupidity and irresponsibility. I, for one, am ALL FOR prosecuting dead beats. The problem is you can't legislate stupidity. As for women putting up with it, what choice do they have? And I disagree. You said ';why do fathers in general'; and that is not the case. In general implies the majority are dead beats and that is simply NOT true. Less than 1 in 20 are skips where I live. My information is anecdotal from a friend who is a court reporter who sees divorce cases on a daily basis, including prosecutions for dead beats to garnish wages and such. So, it is NOT fair to generalize as you have done. What MAY surprise you is how many divorces also include a restraining order against one, the other or in somewhat rare cases, BOTH parties, which sometimes also includes restraining orders against whole family groups to keep them apart.
    Wait till you catch her banging some other dude or maybe two and maybe you will change your mind about sticking around....
    To the guy above.. if shes 'banging' other men why should that stop you providing and seeing your child?

    How do you get over being betrayed and lied to my someone you loved and trusted deeply?

    I thought I knew him. I married him and he was good to me for 7 years. He showed a lot of love and devotion to me and my children. They loved their stepfather deeply. We all were happy for those seven years.





    Then three things happened:


    1. He got bariatric surgery


    2. His mother became terminal and was decaying


    3. He started drinking hard liquor and got obsessed with talking to women online





    I knew he was in crisis, and it was affecting all of us. But instead of fixing stuff, he just gave up and he left me for another woman, six months ago.





    I am still in love with the man he used to be for seven years. There was just something that felt so good and pure until things started deteriorating so badly.





    And now I wait.


    I wait for him to heal and come back to me.


    But he says he wants a divorce, yet he won't spend the money to do it (he first got demoted, then he lost his job.)





    The man from before was so responsible and caring. A good husband who never disrespected me.


    The dark overtook him.





    But now I wonder, was he always dark, and he was pretending and trying hard to be good?


    I just can't wrap my mind around it.





    I still pray that God heals my husband and returns him to us. On the outside, I appear as if I have let him go, and that I have self-esteem and that I have moved on. I am rebuilding my life. I am doing good at work and am returning to school. I am counting my blessings and CHOOSING happiness (after many months of excruciating grief and mourning).





    I am still in pain, but it's a little more tolerable now. I have grown closer to God. I feel a certain healing. But I won't lie .........everyday I pray he emails me saying that he repents what he's done and that he has found himself again.





    I am tired of aching.How do you get over being betrayed and lied to my someone you loved and trusted deeply?
    It sounds a lot like you had been married to a ';recovering'; alcoholic - someone who should have been attending AA or who may have had a sponsor in the past. But you know what? It's not about the best side and the dark side of someone's personality...it's about how we cope with stress and conflict. As you know, trials show our true personalities; trials test our character. And obviously, your husband's character has proven a bit weak and undefined. That's the bottom line. We all act wonderful and pacified when we're on vacation, don't we? Most of us are generous, cheery and loving when we have money in our pocket, food on our table, love in our house, etc. But many more than you realize snap and turn to drugs and alcohol when they lack effective coping skills. Your husband is one of them. He may not need AA, he may not need therapy, but what he does need is a hard look at himself. Maybe he was playing the husband role for so long because he thought that it was the responsible thing to do in American culture (you know, the American Dream lie?) And many people who are ';role playing'; will suddenly change course when they reach the point that they feel courageous enough to be who they are. If your husband is in his late 40s or 50s, he may be facing his own mortality with his mother's illness. He may be suffering from the ';is this all there is?'; syndrome. Many people who have spent a good portion of their lives living the American Dream wake up one day and ask themselves whether there is true meaning in that lifestyle. The answer of course is that there is no meaning in the American Dream. We're just supposed to act like there is. True meaning can only come from spiritual awareness and the reciprocation of love with friends and family. Only you know how healthy a relationship YOU had with your husband. Only you know whether your husband had any spiritual awareness. All the fun and frolicking you two did with your children has no bearing on the quality of your MARRIAGE. And don't bother with counseling; it's worthless. You seem to be healing well. Hang in there. If you don't exercise regularly now, start doing it. Take up tennis or racquetball or join a walking / running group. But focus on YOU, not on over-analyzing your husband. Let him go, not out of disgust, but the gentle way God let's us go when we want to rebel against him. Stop praying for him to ';come to his senses'; but for God to enlighten and heal him. God is not a genie in a bottle. Pray unselfishly. Be free in mind and spirit. Rent comedy movies and laugh a lot with your children. Have fun where you least expect it. You will triumph; you are a woman and a mother. Emotionally, women are stronger. This isn't a brag moment; but a reassuring reality. Fear not for your future. You are in God's hands. Let God know what YOU need. Give him / her much thanks. S/He is already at work in you.How do you get over being betrayed and lied to my someone you loved and trusted deeply?
    you would be better of discussing this in R%26amp;S .... I dont do prayers to a fictional character so I cant suggest anything
    I'm still working on it !
    You've described about 6 or so life changing events. These events can change a person, bring out that hidden dark side and amplify it. Alcohol does that. Some people use alcohol to numb the pain of grief but it works paradoxically, making everything totally unmanageable.





    There may be a time when he hits bottom and starts to honestly look at the issues that he has to deal with. There is always hope, and from what you've said, you have had a good man in your life. As you know, there can be no guarantees in life. We do the best we can with what we have.





    I have no doubt that you have suffered deep grief, you sound like a woman who loved her husband very deeply and this is one of God's greatest gifts to us. The ability to really love someone so deeply. This is the best part of a person and if your husband can recognize this gift within him, it will prompt him to recover and deal with his issues.





    In sharing your story, you have reminded me why i went into addictions counselling in the first place. I've seen many successes and I've seen false starts. I've seen despair and most of all, I've seen hope. When we have hope, when we have love, we have what it takes to move forward. Any other choices are not acceptable. It is the love you have within you that makes you the person he fell in love with. If it is meant to be, it will be, and he will come back.





    Hold on to the person he fell in love with. He might just come looking for you.
    You, as a woman and his wife, can help him getting back on his feet.





    Here are few books that I recommend you:





    The Proper Care and Feeding of Marriage


    The Proper Care and Feeding of Husbands


    Woman Power: Transform Your Man, Your Marriage, Your Life





    Check them on Amazon.
    You keep talking about how he used to be. You are not acknowledging how he is now. We all would love to have our spouses the way they were, but that cant always happen. Like you said, maybe he always had this dark side, just hid it better back then. Whatever the case, he has moved on and I suggest you do the same. Why torture yourself with what could have been or should have been? You have said it is more tolerable, see, you are slowly dealing with it. Give it time and with more prayer and faith you will eventually come through this.

    How do Army WAGS cope when their men are at war/excercise?

    Im engaged to my fiance who is in the army but he is based in Germany permanantley. I am moving to Germany in October and will marry him in July 2010.





    Im also expecting our first baby (due Sept 2010) and finding it so hard without him being around. Normally i can talk to him when he finishes work at night time, but for the next 8 weeks he is on an excercise with no phone and no form of contact. I know he is suffering as bad as i am because when we do speak he is so overwhelmed and upset and misses watching my tummy grow with our first child.





    How do i make this easier for both of us? Please can an experienced Army Wife tell me how they have coped over the years with the seperation and risk of danger near them. I am finding it very hard and upsetting. I know he is going to Afghan next year for 6 months also and im dreading the prospect of this.





    Thanks xHow do Army WAGS cope when their men are at war/excercise?
    I wish I knew what I could say to you, but really, all I can even think is ';Luck you, only six months...'; It's the life of the Army Wife. He's going to be gone a lot and you're going to be on your own a lot. You deal with it by carrying on with your life. My husband is in Iraq right now and I just go on with my life. There's not much else you can do. Being sad gets old. Eventually you have to just settle into a routine. Having your child will make it less lonely and give you a distraction while he's away, but it will be hard for him to miss his child's early years. It will be hard for you knowing he's is missing his child. It will be hard for his child not having Dad around.





    You just need to find your support system and hold on to it. Do you have to remain in Germany while he is in Afghanistan? If you can, move to be with your mother or a friend in the States while he is away. A foreign country is not an ideal place when you're alone, unless you can make friends and connections on base, in which case you should be fine. You will figure out how best to deal with this in your own way. My advice is be prepared to move that wedding date. My husband's deployment date shifted up to the day they told him to show up. We ended up waking up one morning and running down to the courthouse just in case.





    Good luck to you and your husband.

    A real testament of love, KOTEX, In MULTI PACk?

    Men, how in ';love'; or much in the ';dog'; house would you have to be in, before you bought your significant other a huge box of multi pack tampax/kotex? Ladies, do you think that men act silly about these purchases? Are you like my step father? sixty and still have yet to purchase one tampon?A real testament of love, KOTEX, In MULTI PACk?
    My husband never had a problem buying feminine products for me even when we were newlyweds. He doesn't get embarrassed too easily I guess.A real testament of love, KOTEX, In MULTI PACk?
    I asked my husband to do this once, he said okay...i was just testing and didn't really want him to do it, just wanted to know his answer. For him, it was no biggy...

    Wife beatings in Islam?

    They are to be light and there are steps to follow before it takes place.


    It is to dicipline the women.





    So my question is, where does quran tell women how to discipline men?Wife beatings in Islam?
    Despite advances in modern psychology and improved understanding of behavioral patterns of men, civilized and uncivilized, a successful solution to this aggressive behavior has not been found by man.





    A solution has however been presented to the world in the Quran, the Final Testament, more than 1400 years ago, in verse 4:34.





    [4:34] The men are made responsible for the women, and GOD has endowed them with certain qualities, and made them the bread earners. The righteous women will cheerfully accept this arrangement, since it is GOD's commandment, and honor their husbands during their absence. If you experience rebellion from the women, you shall first talk to them, then (you may use negative incentives like) deserting them in bed, then you may (as a last alternative) beat them. If they obey you, you are not permitted to transgress against them. GOD is Most High, Supreme.





    At first glance this verse may appear as if promoting physical abuse of women. But when reading 4:34 carefully one realizes that it actually prohibits abuse and beating of women by using the best psychological approach.





    The advise to first talk and then avoid sexual contact, provides the necessary time and space for both parties to cool off, reason, examine the problem and reach a favorable agreement for both of them.





    Abuse of a wife will not happen if the man learns to follow the clear commandments of God in this verse and in the order decreed. Abuse will only happen when a man does not follow these commandments, and thus fails to cool off and reason with himself or with his wife.





    ###Edit: #Christianity doesn't even allow divorce unless in case of adultery. So, a husband can sexually and physically abuse his wife and yet she can't divorce according to the Bible. HMMM?!Wife beatings in Islam?
    wow interesting point!
    Any man who hits a woman should be impaled!
    Under the quaran, the man can do anything as long as he yells it is to allah or something and it is ok. Might even think he will get a virgin or 2 for it. Screwed up religion.
    God created the man and the women and knows the deepest secret inside of them. maybe you complain, but these little things may save marriage from destruction and increase the love and respect between couples in an unexpected way.





    the Quran mentioned the word ';neshoz'; which means if the wife did something out of the ordinary, like treating her husband bad infront of people, don't respect her husband, humiliate him and don't give him a value. so these are the rules:





    1) first advice them. she dosen't listen. then don't sleep next to them. she doesn't listen, they beat them ';LIGHTLY';


    2) no beating on the face


    3) no abuesing on the body


    4) prophet Muhammad showed an example of the beating, it's like a light spanking on the shoulder. it doesn't hurt physically but more emotionally so she can be aware that she crossed her limit.





    For the Man:


    God has warn the man who go beyond his limit of abuesing his wife that God is above him. which mean God can really bunch him. but a woman can't beat the man because usually the women are weaker physically than the man, and the man can hurt them. and a woman can file a divorce against her husband and the courts will give her all her rights.
    I know, I've been naughty and need to be disciplined. ;-)
    beating women Jesus would do that he is a God of love its that punk cowardd muhammad and his followers false prophet that corrupt the word of God believe in Jesus :D
    islam is f u c k ed up
    the women are just suppose to withhold their putang as punishment and sometimes stone the mens genitals as they sleep...lightly of course.
    Here's an article on a book written by a Muslim cleric who explains how to beat one's wife. He recommends using a rod on the arms and legs.





    http://www.worldnetdaily.com/news/articl鈥?/a>





    For the most part, Muslim women don't have rights. In strictly Muslim areas of the world she doesn't have much sympathy in the courts when it come to this kind of abuse.





    Of course, the Koran would never teach that a wife can beat or discipline her husband in any manner. It's a very male centric book.
    If it doesn't, I will know for sure that I will not become Muslim
    Women discipline men? why would a man need to be disciplined other than in a court of law?
    Man is the leader of the family, would you discipline your boss ?!! We don't discipline men , we can just get divorce if he is not good and you don't want him . At least it is better than some Christian sects which don't allow divorce , in that case I would have to discipline him by myself .


    Most of the marriage troubles especially in the west is because the woman makes herself a leader , we cannot have two leaders in the house , they will fight over the authority .


    It is not oppressing to the woman not to be the leader , she is a partner and a pillar in the house . It is good to put the lines so everyone will know his role and his limits .
    The Qur'anic passages about wife beating are actually roundabout way of telling men not to beat their wives. According to the rules, men will never be able to find just cause to beat their wives and, even if they did, they could not/should not beat their wives enough to cause harm, so why do it at all?


    The Qur'an does not need to tell women how to discipline men. The Qur'an itself is Allah's way of disciplining men and women. There are more rules for men in the Qur'an than for women with divine punishments for violating those rules.
    Jesus said to love your wife.





    That is not love
    In the whole civilized world, beating other people, including wives and children, is considered as illegal violence. Beating is even forbidden in the treatment of criminals and prisoners. All men must be judged and treated with dignity and fairness by legal institutions.


    Wishing that universal education will be enhanced and expanded urgently all over the world. Now, we no longer live in the Age of ignorance and immaturity.





    GU-UN
    I highly doubt it does, anywhere.





    Sad really.

    How are Black people treated in Thailand?

    I'm a young Black man who wants to live in Thailand when I grow up. What is it like for Black people there?How are Black people treated in Thailand?
    I'm so sorry but Khun Larry is right and Scottie is clueless.





    Now if you have lots of money, it won't matter.


    Plenty of money trumps how dark your skin is.





    Contraray to Scottie's words, Thais are way more racists and classist than Americans.


    I am white, and the word for me, Farang, is used to my face. They will claim they don't mean to be racisit, but I've heard it w/so much distain. It is used like ';******';.





    But do make a visit and see for yourself. You may be surprised. I do know a black woman who works and it's an issue of grace for her; she has grace for them and helps them 'get past' her skin color which is a beautiful dark chocolate. She is beautiful and they also like that.





    Best wishesHow are Black people treated in Thailand?
    It's not so much about racism as it is purely about skin color. Thais consider dark skin unattractive and dark skinned people as lower class. Thai people who are dark are generally looked down upon, even by other dark skinned Thais.





    You will generally be treated politely by Thais but the smile is just a facade. In their minds they will look down on you and not have much respect for you. That can manifest in their behaviors although it usually won't be very overt.
    Thai people are not as light skin as Chinese. Chinese are lighter skin that's why Thai people like to marry Chinese woman. There are also northern people and they have lighter skin. We just like to have light skin so we do not like the sun so much. Thai woman wants to have light skin colour. It a big question really but if you are happy with your skin colour it doesn't matter really. Look on the bright side of it don't be let down, there is a saying, ';dark tall and handsome';. I am not dark my skin colour is light brown but since I was a kid a lot of people tell me that light skin colour is better.....so I guess I am one of them who like to be light skin.
    I don't think it's skin colour or any racism problem here. Thai people just like to have lighter skin themselves. We like Tiger Wood, Will Smith and etc. regardless skin colour. Be happy : )
    They are treated like the white ones, with respect and dignity, if they behave themselves in accordance with the Thai Law and traditions!
    There's no worry if you black your heart must be white (Good) if you ya...Ya... that no good for your lives good luck ......
    In Thailand the liter the skin the higher class ... black being lowest





    try another country
    No different to any other human being - treat people with respect in Thailand and you will never have a problem.


    Thai's are the least racist people I have ever meet and are very friendly people who welcome farang.


    I have a second home there and will move there for good next year - Love The People, The Culture, the food and stunning scenery - Thailand is Paradise on earth
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  • Is Marisa Miller a glamour or high fashion model?

    When I saw her appear as a guest in America's Next Top Model and she was teaching the girls how to do swimsuit photo shoots, that seemed glamour modeling(men's magazines) instead of high fashion(fashion magazines). But isn't this show about fashion and not glamour. I was so jealous.Is Marisa Miller a glamour or high fashion model?
    she is most often referred to as a supermodel these days





    many models do a variety of different work in their careers, Marisa Miller is no exception to that





    http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Marisa_Mill鈥?/a>

    Men????????

    i have recently being seeing a guy from work but then things started to get akward cause we were trying to keep it from the boss so we ended things and said that we would stay good friends. but since then (bout a month ago) things has gotten a lot worse i find it hard to talk to him now i donno wat to say and i think he feels the same how can i start a convo with him im very shy! and some days he will talk to me and others the will ignore me to the last wat do ya think i should do im so so confused!Men????????
    For ten minutes forget that you are shy. Tell him you want to clear the air once and for all.





    Tell him how you feel (if only to make yourself feel better). Tell him you hold no hard feelings but if he ever wants a chat or a drink you will be there for him.





    .... and remember, men are very complex! They are more likely to bottle things up that to communicate. If he remains quiet towards you, just let it be.





    Good luck xMen????????
    it's not nice that he doesn't acknowledge you on some occasions, i would pull him up on it and tell him to sort it out or else, he's got no right to do that it's just so rude

    Men!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!?

    How do you tell who the decent ones are and who is gunna use ya!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!





    It's got to the point where I pretty much accept being used lol cause it just happens and that really cant go on








    3 questions tongiht so far. Guess I'm feelin curious.Men!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!?
    You need to stop falling for flash and start looking for substance.


    Look for a guy who's active in some kind of charity or community project...there's a guy with a real heart.Men!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!?
    You have to decide if dating someone that is less attractive than you would like is worse than dating losers that just use you.

    Report Abuse



    Its in his kiss :)





    But seriously, the decent ones are really hard to find you just gotta keep looking.

    Can you really have.....?

    sex with someone, and not have any feelings towards them?


    I don't just mean sex once with them,I mean, 5, 6 times within 2 weeks.





    If you can how? I am trying to understand this at the moment, I would really like to know how men feel about this.Can you really have.....?
    Stop before you get a STD.Can you really have.....?
    i can have sex a time or 2 with some one and not have feeling....but 5 or 6 times a week id prolly have feelings
    When you masturbate you sometimes use toys. Just consider sex with a person you don't have feelings for. I live TOY. No love no feels just something to play with.
    ugghhh yeaaahh men love it too no strings attached just two people having a fun time
    yes , only for the first time.


    because as soon as I have sex with a girl ; I'll have feelings towards her.
    It's called friends with benefits! lol
    Yes some men definitely can (some men can't). Let me explain: as our ancestors (the males) were evolving they got use to having sex with more than one partner, while woman would have been more choosy as they would have become encumbered more quickly, so this is a hereditary trait (not necessarily a good one though) which has been passed down to us from the our ancestors.


    Hence more men than women are likely to be able to have sex without love becoming involved.
    why would you have sex with someone if you dont have any feelings toward them?????


    lust probably is the reason
    Yes I can and so can most men and some women do it too. Men don't usually get attached emotionally like girls do, at least not at first.
    Hi ,yes you can have sex with some-one without feelings for them ,and it can be rather fun also x

    What do you think of my story so far?

    The cold winter settled over the bleak horizon. I stared glaringly at it, as it burned my inner essence. I was not one for chilliness. But I sat as I was ordered to, as my master had instructed me to. Man, I hated Kiara.


    ';Gowan; come inside!'; called Kiara, her voice so soft and feisty it was confusing. I shifted my body to the tent, where Kiara stood with a pot of potion, stirring a heavy scent of rotten leaves and dead frogs. Even she covered her nose to avoid it. I stared unblinking and knowingly at it; it was my death potion. Oh my gosh, what ever did I do wrong! I was smart, followed my order without a single word (......), and I even helped Kiara with things I didn't have to do! That just proves that seers are horrible people.


    I opened my mouth to protest my doom, when she put a Silence on me. Grr. She stood to talk with me. ';This potion will make you feel dizzy a lot at first, then it will shrink you, size by size. Each time you shrink, memories of summons will come, each time more painful than before. We'll see how much you will learn your lesson then,'; she evilly announced. (She must have never done this before at her age:she had a fearful edge to her tone). I was in awe; none of my masters had tried to burn their Siggs before, they would scold. I didn't like Kiara. Period.


    She took a small cup, dipped it in the pot, and ordered me to drink the death potion. I gulped. I tried to resist the urge, but my mouth opened widely, soon hungry for the drink. I took a sip; and man how horrible was that.What do you think of my story so far?
    I really like it. but i dont get if she did nothing wrong why is she getting punished?What do you think of my story so far?
    that was really well done and very descriptive and funny too!
    wow its amazing! i love the description words you use! could you email me the rest of it when you get the chance? i want to read all of it!

    What is your opinion on ';settling'; for a spouse when it comes to marriage?

    There comes an age in every man or woman's life when that prince charming or miss right simply hasn't made an appearance in your life or they somehow managed to slip through your fingers. Basically when a ladies clock starts to tick very loudly or a man gets to the age where he wants to at least know his kids into their 30's and meet their grand children. Another reason might be loneliness but the question is just how prevalent is it for men and woman to ';settle'; for a partner? when considering the reasons i gave previously, when they might not be the best for you but are pretty close. Is this a good idea or should one always marry for love? must everything click together like it was fate? Or can a person be terribly practical in such a circumstance and forget romanticism? If so what would be the outcome to such a relationship? Personally i think break up but if people want kids and are of a certain age i can understand them getting together and at least giving it a go whilst having children together, what are your thoughts on the matter?





    Thanks.What is your opinion on ';settling'; for a spouse when it comes to marriage?
    Truth be told, marriage ';for love'; is rather foolish - actually it's intrinsically foolish.





    Don't ';settle'; - figure out what you really want in a partner that is obtainable by you.


    e.g. What do you have to offer that the opposite sex cares about?


    Find a good partner and the love will come later.


    You might never have the steamy romance but oh well, not everyone does.





    The advice from unwed women in their forties is... SETTLE.


    Don't be so nit-picky.





    The advice from unwed men in their forties is... Don't marry!What is your opinion on ';settling'; for a spouse when it comes to marriage?
    NEVER settle. You should be happy in your life if you are single or with someone. If you settle, you will be disappointed.
    This is difficult. If you wait, the window of opportunity may pass and it may never happen. You stand the chance of meeting the person of your dreams when you are married. Living with someone day after day where there is no passion would seem to be a dreary existence. However, I suppose if you are able to live with the trade-offs - living with a spouse you do not love and may even come to dislike for 18 - 20 years albeit with the love of children.
    Don't do it! If you must lower your standards, lower them but don't lay 'em down by the river side. I made that mistake and is very unhappily married right now.
    Don't settle but also be realistic about attracting your equal by not overestimating yourself.
    Thoughout human history perfectly functional marriages have been formed for reasons other that romantic love. In fact, if one could let go of that ';requirement'; and find someone compatiable in goals and values while offering mutual respect a pretty good family life could be bult. A bit of physical attraction should be there, you have to want to be affectionate with your spouse. But phyisical attraction is not enought to get you through think and thin. You need character for that.
    I'd rather end up happily single than settling for less than ideal. I think you would eventually resent the other person for not being what you wanted.
    love is the main reason to settle for a partner. Love is something that grows the more longer you are together, trust, respect, intimacy and all those other aspects grow more until there is a point where you can not be without each other. This is when you get married and are in a pure relationship that you can be proud of and name. Most people dont get married because they lose faith in love due to an incident they have faced (break up). But break up could just mean you were not in love but lust or infatuation. Moreover, there are down-points of every single aspect in the world, yes break-up along with cheating, using (sex, money etc). But when you have the right person it will work out most likely as it takes two hands to clap not one.
    If you settle you probably will at some point, when things aren't going so well, either blame your husand/wife.


    IF you settle for a person who, ok, isn't that perfect one you dreamed of, but you enjoy each other's company and like doing the same things, I see nothing wrong with it.


    I have a friend who was always judgmental of other people and their so-called shortcomings and then at 30 (while still living at home w/parents) she married a guy who drank beer every day and couldn't hold down a job and at most worked 3 days a week while she worked years day in and day out and the only reason they have a home and cars is because of her. In their pictures he never leans toward her or has an arm around her, it is always her leaning toward and reaching for him.


    What a bum!!! (btw her parents disliked him a lot and her mom told my mom that, but to be kind I never let on what I knew, even when she asked why her then widowed Mom made them move out.) Her Mom got tired of him sitting around her home not working and drinking every day.


    So THAT is settling big time in my opinion. If you find a 'friend' in life and marry them, I see no problem as you care for each other. Life isn't perfect.
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  • Why do people think men can't hit women back even in self defense?

    People say all men are stronger but thats not true, most men I know are skinny as some girls and some girls are huge. How can people seriously think it's wrong for any man to defend him self if hes in danger?? Women seem to want equal rights but this isn't equal rights, women should face the fact that if they hit a man they should take it and not say they are weaker because most women aren't that weak and just lie.Why do people think men can't hit women back even in self defense?
    Well you explained it all when you typed this:





    ';Women seem to want equal rights but this isn't equal rights, women should face the fact that if they hit a man they should take it ';








    It's called ';selective equality';. Wanting all the positives of equality with men but also maintaining the ';I'm a docile rabbit'; view of the 1950s.





    Women outnumber men in cases of violent abuse of children so this proves they are capable of violence.Why do people think men can't hit women back even in self defense?
    The only people who think that are those who believe in selective equality.





    It doesn't matter who is stronger or who is not stronger.





    You have an absolute right to defend yourself and those around you from physical harm, no matter the gender of the attacker.





    Yes, men in general can do more damage than women in a physical fight. Perhaps they should take that under advisement and not pick fights they can't win. I certainly would if I were in a situation that might require me to act in a physical manner to defend myself or those around me from harm.
    For me it would depend on circumstance. I haven't had to do this, thankfully(yet).


    You make some good points about size. I also know for a fact too often women lead in so-called `minor violence' in domestic complaints.


    An assault, regardless of source, can be answered with same. I hate chicks that hide behind their sex or social mores and feel entitled to a `free pass' when they commit crimes of violence.


    irene: you seem to contradict yourself! Can you see where?
    I'd like to know that too. Men should definitely be able to fight back. She doesn't even have to be stronger in order for him to fight back. If she's tough enough to strike someone, she's tough enough to get hit back.
    If it's for self-defense, go ahead. You should not tolerate someone who's causing you physical harm.





    @Drew


    LOL. Thanks for pointing it out. Edited.
    I always expect people to hit me back. That's why I run away after punch them.
    Because feminazis want their cake and they want to eat it too...





    Damn man-hating lesbians!